The Latest

Jun 12, 2014 / 561 notes

lin-gua-phile:

Recovery is so weird like sometimes it’s “YES I just ate two portion sizes of pasta and half a cake“ and sometimes it’s “NO I should not have eaten that slice of bread“

(via cats-tea-recovery)

People need to be encouraged. People need to be reminded of how wonderful they are. People need to be believed in—told that they are brave and smart and capable of accomplishing all the dreams they dream and more. Remind each other of this.
Stacey Jean Speer (via aestheticintrovert)

(via ed-free-maggie)

Jun 12, 2014 / 135,133 notes
You are so used to your features, you don’t know how beautiful you look to a stranger.
Jun 12, 2014 / 604,640 notes
Jun 12, 2014 / 102,594 notes
Jun 11, 2014 / 7,705 notes
REASONS TO RECOVER:
1) Because I miss my favorite foods.
2) Because, seriously, who counts calories in a cherry tomato?
3) Because two of my main meals a day shouldn’t be salad.
4) Because fat and skin to cover my body is there for a reason.
5) Because eating >1k calories isn’t even healthy for a toddler.
6) Because going to a restaurant should be a treat instead of a nightmare.
7) Because I should spend less time looking at pictures of food and more time making it.
8) Because I shouldn’t fall asleep and dream about eating snickerdoodles and wake up feeling guilty for eating in a dream.
9) Because I’ll be miserable if I do or don’t eat, so why not pick the one that will let me stay alive?
10) Because I should pick out treats at the grocery store without looking at the calories and immediately feeling sick.
11) Because home-cooked meals from family and friends taste so much better when I’m not guesstimating calories.
12) Because pickles and other condiments are made to put on food, not be an entire meal alone.
13) Because Ben & Jerry’s looks delicious and I desperately want to try.
14) Because my only thought when drinking coffee should not be “How many ounces is this mug and how much will I gain?”
15) Because it’s so much easier to sleep when your stomach isn’t roaring
16) Because exercise should be enjoyable and fun, not done purely so I can eat an apple later.
17) Because body checking gets you nowhere.
18) Because I want to eat entire pizzas and a lot of frozen yogurt with friends instead of barely any.
19) Because 98% of my thoughts shouldn’t revolve around what I just ate, my next meal, how many calories in my next meal, etc.
20) Because I should order what I want off a menu instead of steamed tofu.
21) Because banana “ice cream” isn’t anything like the real deal.
22) Because I should eat the suggested serving size without a thought instead of making sure to eat half or less.
23) (Although, serving sizes are bullshit anyway. I should eat however much I want when I want.)
24) Because eating meals with the family and being forced into eating as much as them shouldn’t result in crying.
25) Because weight fluctuates; by weighing myself each day, I focus on the “bad” gaining rather than the “good” loss.
26) Because I’ll keep lowering and lowering my target goal, anyway.
27) Because a “big” dinner shouldn’t mean no breakfast.
28) Because a “big” dinner and still being hungry later shouldn’t mean no snack.
29) Because size 0 shorts shouldn’t sag on your body.
30) Because you shouldn’t feel guilty for being above a size 0.
31) Because you shouldn’t feel guilty for being any size ever in anything, really.
32) Because reading other stories about EDs shouldn’t be used for “inspiration” to get worse. Ever.
33) Because your end goal shouldn’t be to end up in the hospital. You will be dangerously sick and forced into a long and hard recovery, one that can be avoided (or at least made a little less hard) if you start now.
34) Because myfitnesspal (or any other calorie counting app) is the devil in disguise. Do not trust it. Delete your account. It will be hard, but it needs to be done.
35) Because there’s a reason there’s a difference between “underweight” and “healthy weight”. Stay a healthy weight.
36) Because it’s not worth crying over your scale being the same as the day before.
37) Because it can be beaten, and I will be so much happier and healthier when it is.
38) Because.
Jun 11, 2014 / 627 notes
Jun 11, 2014 / 489 notes

tallgreengirl:

Mark my words.
One day I will be able to say I HAD an eating disorder.
This will not be my life forever.

(via fre-ed-om)

Jun 11, 2014 / 6,579 notes

recoveringolivia:

I do not need to justify eating. I do not get to decide if I have done anything to deserve it. There will never be a reason I don’t deserve it.

I am a human. I need to eat. It is a basic human need and there is no debating that. I need to eat.

(via ed-free-maggie)

dont-be-chai:

bravegirl-living:

I remember the day I took the picture on the left very clearly. I was beginning recovery, and had just eaten Special K cereal without measuring it first. I was mortified by what I’d done. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten something without knowing the exact number of calories in it, and was pretty sure I’d gained weight from doing so. 
I spent most nights either binging and purging or pressing my fingers to my neck, counting my heart beat and feeling for my collar bones. Food was all I could think about, ever.
 I could barely leave my room. 
I have never done anything harder than recovery. There isn’t a good way to explain the hours spent in treatment centers and hospitals, crying because you are being forced to eat foods that terrify you. Crying because you have gained a pound. Having an anxiety attack every night on the way home from treatment, all because of dinner. Feeling scared to walk across campus because of all the weight you’ve gained. Wanting to scream to the world that you didn’t mean to get so fat. Wanting to apologize for your existence. Wanting everyday to go back to the illness that was destroying you. 
But then, one day, months or years later, you notice the misery is fading. You notice that you spend more time thinking about your dreams than your weight.
This passed week I traveled to a new city. I ate froyo with candy on top four days in a row. I went to brunch with my best friends and ordered pancakes, eggs, and bacon instead of the egg whites. I stayed out late dancing until 3 am,a ate a slice of pizza on the way home from a bar. I ordered a cheeseburger at lunch and ate the whole thing, including the sweet potato fries. I had chocolate chip cookies, tacos, and noodles. I went to tea and spread cream across my scone happily. I did not know the calories in anything I was eating and I honestly didn’t care. 
I was able to travel to a new city and truly enjoy myself. 
I was everything the girl on the left dreamed about but was too scared to be.
 I was alive, and it made everything I’ve gone through feel worth it. 

You’re perfect.
Jun 11, 2014 / 779 notes

dont-be-chai:

bravegirl-living:

I remember the day I took the picture on the left very clearly. I was beginning recovery, and had just eaten Special K cereal without measuring it first. I was mortified by what I’d done. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten something without knowing the exact number of calories in it, and was pretty sure I’d gained weight from doing so. 

I spent most nights either binging and purging or pressing my fingers to my neck, counting my heart beat and feeling for my collar bones. Food was all I could think about, ever.

 I could barely leave my room. 

I have never done anything harder than recovery. There isn’t a good way to explain the hours spent in treatment centers and hospitals, crying because you are being forced to eat foods that terrify you. Crying because you have gained a pound. Having an anxiety attack every night on the way home from treatment, all because of dinner. Feeling scared to walk across campus because of all the weight you’ve gained. Wanting to scream to the world that you didn’t mean to get so fat. Wanting to apologize for your existence. Wanting everyday to go back to the illness that was destroying you. 

But then, one day, months or years later, you notice the misery is fading. You notice that you spend more time thinking about your dreams than your weight.

This passed week I traveled to a new city. I ate froyo with candy on top four days in a row. I went to brunch with my best friends and ordered pancakes, eggs, and bacon instead of the egg whites. I stayed out late dancing until 3 am,a ate a slice of pizza on the way home from a bar. I ordered a cheeseburger at lunch and ate the whole thing, including the sweet potato fries. I had chocolate chip cookies, tacos, and noodles. I went to tea and spread cream across my scone happily. I did not know the calories in anything I was eating and I honestly didn’t care. 

I was able to travel to a new city and truly enjoy myself. 

I was everything the girl on the left dreamed about but was too scared to be.

 I was alive, and it made everything I’ve gone through feel worth it. 

You’re perfect.

(via fre-ed-om)

"do you know how many people would love
to have to gain weight?”

tell me, then,
would you love to
see your body the way I see mine?
because
there is no room for grace
and I will never be satisfied with
good enough.
every line and curve and movement
could always be better
and I don’t want to stop until I’m enough.

would you love for
food to turn into fear,
exercise into punishment,
compliments into lies,
friends into competition?
because everything that once was logical
will be twisted around and around
until you don’t know what is real
and what is not.

would you love to
spend every morning
on the floor in tears,
surrounded by a pile of clothing?
because
nothing looks right anymore
nothing fits like it used to
and you’re scared of others
seeing you as just a body.
after all,
that’s all you ever saw in yourself.

would you love to
have every action and every thought
monitored and analyzed?
would you love to
have your one piece of comfort
stripped away?

recovery is more
than gaining weight
because I am
more than a number.

"recovery is more than gaining weight" — Tessa H (via tessa-rae)

this made me cry bc couldn’t be more the truth

(via itsonly-the-beginning)

(via fre-ed-om)

Jun 10, 2014 / 855 notes